Happy Anniversary to us...

Nick & I made it 3 years so far. 4 more til the 7 year itch sets in? : ) It's hard for me to believe that it's only been three years since I was getting ready to get married, while suffering horrible bouts of morning sickness! That day was something of body experience for me, which seems to be a common theme for most important days in my life. I'm still confident that we made the right decision and I'm happy. Hoping that the hub can say the same. ; )

School is back in session and I have 2 classes this semester. I'm really looking forward to teaching, I think that I improve vastly every semester that I do this. You just LEARN so much as an instructor and between that and the interaction with the students I can't think of a job that I would be happier doing. My boss seems to think that there is every likelihood of having three classes next semester which will be wonderful from a personal fulfillment and a money perspective. It's been a while since I have had any money of my very own that I didn't feel badly about spending on things like clothes. I don't know why I have these weird guilt feelings over necessities, but I do. Thanks parental units for raising me with a poverty mind set! Lord, I hope I don't pass that on to my daughter. I want her to be conscious of her spending & needs but not feel badly.

Let's see, what did I accomplish this summer?

Read a few books that have been lingering out there. One that changed my view forever is The Road by Cormac McCarthy. Unbelievably desolate.

Managed to get the guest room painted and made drapery for that room and the living room that I am not ashamed of. Which has led me to want to make some modifications to the ones in the kitchen. Which I will do before Christmas.

Took Clara to the beach several times and generally had a fun summer. It's been hard the past couple of years with a little little kid to get out and have a good time, especially since I was still suffering my pangs of suburban angst on a more regular basis and didn't know anyone.

Ran 2 races - one 5K with Pam and a 2 mile on my own. Placed 3rd in my age group for the 2 mile. Not bad!

So - goals for fall. The usual. I'm changing the name of this blog to the "Fat Files". I am so easily distracted from my weight loss efforts that it's just crazy. I have been unable (unwilling!?) to keep track of the grub going down the hatch for even one day. I start and then stop somewhere around midmorning or lunch. I know that the afternoon is my weak spot - I get bored or anxious or guilty or angry about something and I EAT.

I am going to train and run in 2 more races at a minimum this year. It helps me to have a goal like that. Also- more time in the yoga studio. I actually did a hand stand in there 2 weeks ago, what I would consider my best practice ever, and that was quickly followed by my worst. For a few weeks I was clocking some serious mileage and time walking, but that is not enough. I need to 1. CUT DOWN ON THE CHOW & 2.) add strength and running - I need the aerobic component.

So! That means that I need a routine to get me going. I think that I need to "automate" breakfast and lunch. Maybe oatmeal and soup. And then can be a little easier around dinner. And I need to find a schedule that works to work out and stick to it come hell or high water and hold my family's feet to the fire on it too. Small distractions turn into huge bumps in the road for me. One night that I was supposed to work out and didn't can knock me off track for a month. And that's ridiculous.

I'm going to be accountable every day - here. what did I eat? what was my exercise? No judgement on it, just where am I at that day and can I recommit for tomorrow?

sunshine cure-all

Whew - I feel so much better today! It's amazing what a few hours outside can do. Clara & I got out of the house early today. We made a stop at traffic court to settle up with Libertyville for my lead foot last month and then spent some time at the library. I decided to walk her over to O'Plaine park so that we could check the progress of our vegetable garden and just get a somewhat different view. I like our neighborhood park, but kind of wanted to just get out of here for a while. We met a really nice woman (Mary!) and the little boy she watches, so I'm looking forward to seeing her around again soon.

Clara is cracking me up right now because she has found an old CTA card and keeps telling me about how she needs her "library card" to check out books. And she wants to make sure she can bring it with her tomorrow to the Shedd Aquarium. Maybe we can check out a sea horse or something... Every once in a while I think about where she was developmentally last year and can't believe the change in one year. The concepts that she has in her head amaze me. Kids are amazing in general - I never understood that til I watched one go from a blob to a person who gets it in a short time.

Looking forward to tomorrow's adventures downtown and yoga again on Thursday. Having hot yoga in the 'burbs is wonderful beyond belief. And having a hubby that is supportive of it is even better.

we have reaffirmed the decision to have only one child.

my GOD. I decided to watch a neighbor's children for the summer - just 2 days a week, and they are kids that I like a lot when they are not my responsibility. I feel like the older of the two is not who I believed her to be at all! It's just shocking to me that someone who is 7 can spend the day at someone else's home and jump on beds, and other furniture, start examining the contents of my bedroom, flat out ignore everything I say, and go behind my back and undermine my instructions to another kid. Loved how she instructed me to "cook something up" for her today. I'm distinctly unamused at this point and thinking about what a long ass summer this is going to be. The funny thing is everyone acted as if the 2 yr old would be the problem. So NOT true and I am in a position that I find myself stunned and a bit at the end of my wits. I don't want to be a bitch, but nor do I want a little punk running rough shod around here - it's not going to happen. The more I think about it the angrier I get.

ps - if my kid begins to act like her, she'll have her ass in a sling.

black & white clouds.

A couple of days ago I started a post that was me under a deep black cloud. I just felt hopeless and ineffective. In all ways - it seemed that everything I tried failed for one reason or another, right down to running on my treadmill thanks to my daughter peeing on it (after sitting on the toilet for 15 minutes). Funny how 2 days later & I feel completely different.

Life has actually been very good lately - lots of fun with Clara and cousins, followed by lots of fun with neighborhood friends and their kids. When I feel like this I feel like anything is possible - when I have my days like a couple of days ago it feels like absolutely nothing is possible and all attempts are futile.

I'm really looking forward to trying the hot yoga offered at the new Grayslake studio! When you live in the city and have everything available it's easy to take it for granted, then when you move to the hinterlands all of a sudden you think that you would go to hot yoga every day if only you could. Middle path, middle path, middle path... maybe once or 2x a week?

The farmer's market starts this week and I'm looking forward to that - Big Bird will be there from 3:30-4!! PARTY. Also there is a man there that sharpens knives. Mine have not had a professional sharpening in the 10 years that they have been in my possession & it shows. Boning a chicken was an exercise in strength the other day (and luck that the knife didn't slip & cut me based on how hard I had to work at it).

In other news of slackerly behavior I just organized the cupboard that holds our drinking glasses and located my to-go cup that I have been looking for for THREE years. It's like getting a surprise gift to find that thing!! I loved that cup. My co-worker at IBM, Mike Scordino, gave that thing to me about 15 years ago because the crappy Caribou Coffee one that I was using had a leak and I walked around with coffee dribbled all over my shirt. Gotta love it when someone sees a problem and fixes it for you - particularly a small problem that is overwhelmingly annoying on a daily basis and requires just a small tweak to result in long term happiness.

Today's business:

Treadmill for 45 minutes

buy drapery hooks / rings for my new drapes (do NOT forget the damn coupon!!)

grocery shop

get veg. glycerin to make my home-made soft scrub that I love.

make home-made pizza!

and now I have to go get the dough started so that it will be ready for chomping tonight.

Why does this get me so angry?

I was raised Catholic. Went to Catholic school. Spent large portions of my life attending mass for holy days of some sort or another. Descended from a long line of believers. And yet, nothing about the Catholic church ever rang true to me. There was just absolutely zero resonance. I never felt that the things that happened in that building had any relevance to my life. At some point I began learning about Buddhist philosophy and to me that seemed more intuitive and less likely to make you perform mandated rituals that (to me) were nothing more than silly rules made up by a man-made institution with no correlation to actual spiritual exploration or becoming a better person. I'm not identifying myself as Buddhist just stating that it makes more sense to me. Catholicism is simply not a practical religion and I am a ridiculously practical person.

Long story short, the ongoing (I almost said "recent" but this is hardly recent) scandals of pedophilia and the church's complete denial of responsibility or consequences has me enraged and sickened. If any of this happened to my child I could not be responsible for my actions. I truly believe that the institution of the Catholic (and many other) churches encourages deviant behavior and makes a happy home for deviants.

A memory just came back as I typed this, Father Richard in my hometown parish, Our Lady of Grace, in Hinckley, OH. Not only did he embezzle from the church, but I distinctly remember being very creeped out as a 13 year old girl at the non-platonic feel of his hugs. And I remember my mom laughing about it. Which indicates to a kid that you best take care of it yourself by avoiding the situation all together because you will not get parental support. Which leads me to a whole different area of betrayal of trust by a parent and how I am determined not to do that to my own kid. And I think, how did all of these molested kids feel? I'm sure that many of their parents were more religious than mine and would beat their kids silly for the suggestion that a holy man would behave in such an inappropriate manner.

I know Dowd makes a living being controversial, but her recent columns on the church hit the nail on the head.

http://www.nytimes.com/2010/04/07/opinion/07dowd.html

things to try

Since my concerted efforts are getting me no where in the weight loss department I'm going to make 2 changes:

1. follow this recommendation in the NYTimes to do heavy weights to fatigue

http://www.nytimes.com/2010/04/06/health/06real.html

2. (absolute GROAN) start tracking again. I f*@king HATE tracking. It makes me miserable. But there has to be an answer to the fact that I am spending more time exercising now than I have since I was a kid and worked on horse farms and STILL cannot lose weight.

I hate being (almost) 40.

Appeals court overturns FCC rule on net neutrality - latimes.com

Another victory for corporate interests while sticking it to the average person or small organization. I understand that bandwidth is not equal to public airwaves, the infrastructure is a corporate investment, but this opens the door to censoring available content. As someone who lives in a major metropolitan area and still has a relatively slow internet connection, the effect that this has on rural areas and access to on-line material is disturbing.

From another perspective, as a community college teacher, this could have an impact on the availability of on-line courses as well as they frequently incorporate video and heavy graphics to try to bring the course to life from a distance. I hope it gets appealed.

Appeals court overturns FCC rule on net neutrality - latimes.com

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